Monday, February 14, 2011


The other day I was going through this website looking for a horoscope personality profile to use while chatting to this magnificently beautiful girl at campus, you know... to demonstrate higher value and show this girl that I pay attention when she speaks and know the real her blah blah blah. Anyway I stumbled across my OWN personality profile and i read it and i was, to say the least, shocked out of my fucking mind. Like, WHAT THE FUCK?!

The more i read my own profile the more i flipped out because, well... it IS me. And lets keep it real guys, I am fully aware of how language can be manipulated to achieve almost any end, but there seemed to be no fault to this fucking thing.

Now, just to drive this point home, I shall tell you a little about me. Ahem. I was born on the 30th of May, making me a first decan gemini. I am of above average intelligence with my measured IQ at 16 years of age being 134. With my above average intelligence came a unique outlook on life. In my first year studying BA (PPE) at Stellenbosch University, i studied philosophy - which severely fucked my shit up - after which i dropped out to re-examine my life and its goals.
I find that i am exceptionally gifted in communicating ideas and feelings, and also find pleasure in teaching people new things. Many say i have a sharp wit and hidden intellect yet to be broken-in. I enjoy multitasking and having many plans running concurrently and smoothly. I take pride in the fact that I am a fast learner and can easily adapt to any emotional, intellectual or physical situation presented to me.

I love being happy but when not happy, i find myself in the deepest darkest of holes where i feel i am so deep in the shit that i have to reach up just to touch the bottom.

My intelligence has blessed me with the incanny ability to read people, honed to devastating precision by my love for continuous self-education. As such, i find it easy to manipulate people into doing what I want - especially in terms of girlfriends and or sexual partners.
I therefore struggle to choose between actions where the lines of good and evil are blurred, and tend to overthink things to point of intellectual distress, often concluding that "the end justifies the means"

I love to socialize and have been described as extroverted when I feel in the mood to be extroverted.

NOW, this is what my horoscope says about me, verbatim:

"Also known as the Sign of the Artist or Inventor, Gemini is Positive in polarity... extrovert personality and such individuals are naturally more impulsive, buoyant, communicative and sociable"

"Gemini is the natural ruler of the Third House of the Zodiac, commonly referred to as the 'House of Communication' ."

"This is the field which challenges an individual to organize personal experiences in order to form a unique picture of the world and then communicate those perceptions to others."

"Traditionally, this house is associated with siblings, basic education, hand-eye coordination, manual dexterity and communication short, many of the automatic skills learned during childhood and taken for granted in adult life."

"Positive Traits: adaptable, versatile, intellectual, communicative, spontaneous, eloquent, youthful, lively, talkative, amusing, witty and logical."

"Negative Traits: changeable, restless, inquisitive, inconsistent, superficial, cunning, nervous, tense and something of a gossip."

More things that blew my mind:

"Those who are born under the jurisdiction of Gemini are usually slender in build and of average height (that's me), or slightly taller. The body shape will almost invariably be somewhat thin with a short trunk and long limbs (me). The stance is normally erect...straight and upright (spot on). Gemini subjects possess a certain litheness of limb and movement, with the arms often seeming to be slim and unusually lengthy, giving the appearance of being loosely connected at the shoulders. There is also a tendency for Gemini individuals to swing their arms in a long sweeping motion when they walk. Gemini features are finely-chiseled with soft and pleasing proportions (confirmed) . The eyes are normally light in color with extraordinarily dark and long lashes (long lashes: check). This will frequently give the Gemini woman a somewhat feline appearance and even the males of this sign often possess eyelashes that would be the envy of any female. The nose is usually straight and narrow (occassionaly displaying something of a hook), ranging from long to dainty, but never sharp in character. The chin will normally be well-proportioned and reserved, while the jaw-line itself is often pointed (indeed). The general countenance is one of alertness and intelligence...indeed, there is a high degree of sensibility in all Gemini features. There is also likely to be a fine bone structure associated with Gemini natives which, coupled with light movements, will often set these indiviudals apart from subjects of other Zodiac Signs. The facial expression of a Gemini individual is frequently charmingly childlike and he or she is quick to smile (how do you know this????). The ears tend to be somewhat larger that the accepted norm, but the physique of a Gemini will customarily remain slim even when the food intake begins to cross the limits (and again) . The overall look of Gemini individuals is quick-moving and sharp. In general, those governed by this Sign tend to appear years younger than they actually are, being able to wear youthful fashions almost indefinitely with a great deal of success (oh my god)."

So the question i ask is... WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! Everything i learned about the world denies the existence of such ridiculous accuracies in this field. Is this Voodoo Magic? Should we kill it with fire? Decide for yourself guys, HERES THE LINK

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